Hey guys. I hope you all had a great weekend. Mine was a little nuts. Caroline Manzo, Don of the Franklin Lakes Manzo’s, and my second mother, is helping narrate my recap. Look how excited she is about it.
I was ready to go on Friday afternoon when I left work. My friend James was arriving the next day, so I figured I’d keep it low key and get dinner with a girlfriend who was also in town visiting. She cancelled at the last minute, so I ended up hanging with this guy I met the previous weekend and his friends. They’re all a few years younger than me, and it a) reminded me that I’m closer to 30 than I am to 20 and b) shed some light on what I might have been like at 22/23. We went to some bar in SoMa called Powerhouse. If I were with a group of people I knew better it probably would have been a good time, but I really wasn’t into it. I decided to call it a night, and got really homesick in the car on the way home. I was actually sitting in the back of my cab like
Thankfully, my best friend Chad is a vampire and is rarely asleep when I spiral into my melodramatic fits of despair, so he talked me off the ledge.
Saturday morning I decided to stop being tragic, because my other bff, James, was coming to town! He and I have traveled all over together, and always have the best time. He got to the house, and I immediately felt better than I did the night before. It was good to see a face from home, and I knew we’d have a good time no matter what we ended up doing. Which brings me to…
The Pet Psychic.
I mentioned last week that my two pageant mothers, Ricky and Nic, were throwing a pet psychic party in our backyard. I wasn’t sure what to expect from this, but knew it was the perfect situation for James to walk into. A bunch of their friends came over with their dogs, and we all hung out in the backyard. Hot dogs, hamburgers, beer, friends, and a creepy guy who talks to living and dead animals…
I’m kidding, the barbeque was a great time. We all played that Cards Against Humanity game, and, with the help of Mrs. Dash, I made some really good turkey burgers. Seriously though, Mrs. Dash Salt Free Southwest Chipotle seasoning has been a real game changer. Get into it.
So the pet psychic himself decided it would be easier to sit in the living room and have us come upstairs with our pets one at a time. I am a true American, so yes, I cry watching Long Island Medium, but I wasn’t so sure that this would resonate the same way. Don’t worry guys, I was right.
The pet psychic was nice enough; he had a note pad to scribble random words on, all very professional. I asked James to film the session with me and Deloris. He asked to “connect” with her, and then kept relaying what Deloris was thinking to us as if we were a couple. “Deloris sleeps in bed with you guys? She’d really like to spend a day in bed together; really sleep in.” Well, you herb, she sleeps in bed with me because I own her, but James is visiting from across the country and we aren’t a couple, but I guess if you were a real psychic, you’d have known that. Also, Deloris scratches my arms and face violently and promptly at 6 am every weekend morning, because she’s used to being taken out early M-F. So immediately I’m like
He asked if I had any questions for her, so I asked about her days in the puppy mill. You see, Deloris is an old whore, and used to have sex with many different dogs, and then have her puppies sold in pet stores. It’s very sad, and she’s kind of like a Las Vegas cocktail waitress (but from downtown, not the strip) in that she’s seen her fair share of dead bodies in dumpsters in the employee parking lot if you know what I mean. Metaphorically, of course. Anyway, I asked my question, and he said she “doesn’t think about that time in her life anymore.”
K. Whatever, pet psychic. But then something phenomenal happened. He asked Deloris if she had any more questions for him. I had her on the table, and she walked over to him, turned around, sat on his notepad, and wiped her ass on it! Scooted it! I have it on video, and I will try to upload it one day. It was amazing.
Saturday night, James and I went to a few bars in the Castro, and had some quality catch up time together
Then we decided to go to a party at some big warehouse club that a friend from NYC was hosting. I am not really into the dance-with-your-shirt-off-while-everyone-is-on-drugs parties that some gays like, and neither is James. We walked in, stayed for a little over and hour, and ended the night watching Deep Impact on my couch. That’s why we get along. Also, the end of that movie, where all of the astronauts say goodbye to their spouses and newborn children via a live video feed?!
We still managed to wake up on Sunday morning like
We pulled ourselves together, had some coffee, and went to Cafe Flore for brunch with my girlfriend Christina from college. After brunch, we spent a few hours in Dolores Park. Ok guys, I get what all the fuss is about with that park. I can’t wait to go there all the time, except with SPF. I have a disgusting farmer tan (farmer sunburn) in the shape of the jersey I was wearing all day. We left the park, went to a bar, drank too much beer, then ended up at this once-a-month party at a bar called El Rio in the Mission. At least it was on Mission St. Does that mean it’s in the Mission? Whatever, it was a lot of fun. We drank PBR and danced until it was dark out.
James is staying a few more days, but the week will probably be low key. I need to save up my energy, because my mom, Queen Donna, and little brother are coming to visit for a whole week on Sunday. I’m really really really excited to see them, but hope we don’t kill each other in my tiny apartment after 7 days
I hope you all have a great week :-) Thanks again for keeping up with me!
(All gifs, as usual, provided by T.Kyle at RealityTVGifs.com)
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